I am off work (woo) as it turns out I have a kidney infection (boo).

I went into work as normal yesterday after being given some anti-biotics and was promptly frogmarched out of the building. Apparently I looked "...not quite right", so was told to leave work and not return until friday.

After sleeping for a gazillion hours I am now very very awake. I have smoothies, painkillers , a sofa and Louie Theroux's Weird World to watch. My day is set.

Yesterday at work we all had to have our photos taken for the wonder that is the photo board of doom! I do not enjoy having my photo taken unless I am tipsy or dressed as a pirate, so it wasn't the greatest experience for me. Anyway, the board was finished at the end of the day, so a colleague and I went to have a look. The board is divided into departments and then into departmental hierarchy. Guess where I am? Right at the bottom in the left hand corner all by myself. Now, this isn't me just being paranoid; there is a huge gap between me and anyone else in my department. I'm okay knowing that I'm not the most senior person in my office, it's only logical what with me being the youngest by far(Yes, I am bitter). But seeing it every day on a huge board isn't exactly the greatest thing ever.
I have decided to cut out my photo, draw a crown on my head, stick it at the top of the board and crown myself queen of the company.

In other news, I am still sick and have far more phlegm than any living thing should have. I am also 90% sure I have overdosed on cough sweets as I'm starting to get a little twitchy.Nevermind, there are worse things to develop a dependency for.

Today was officially the worst day of 2007 so far.

• I have swollen glands
• A horrid, horrid boss
• A very sore throat
• And my kidneys hurt.

That is all.

It is a well known fact that I suck at baking.
Let me stress baking not cooking. Cooking I'm okay with, occasionally things turn out a little crisper or crunchier than usual, but I have the basics down. Baking however, is a completely different story. Every time I try to make biscuits, brownies or cakes it always ends in disaster. I follow the recipes religiously, and yet everything I try to bake ends up looking like sludge. Sometimes burnt sludge.

This evening I decided to put the past behind me. I am an intelligent adult, surely baking an edible batch of brownies isn't beyond me? I got a 'fail safe' recipe from my mum and surprisingly enough, the brownies emerged from the oven looking like brownies. I decided to share my culinary genius and presented a beautiful looking brownie to the boy.

"It sort of tastes like omelette"


...

Gina from Scarface is Maid Marian in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves!

I've seen that film about 20 times and have only now realised the truth! I knew she looked familiar!

I have spent a total of 12 hours playing "Scarface: The World Is Yours" over the past three days. I think I am turning into Tony Montana. Clearly the only way to deal with this was to watch the film again.

"I only tell you once. Don't fuck me, Tony. Don't you ever try to fuck me."

Heh.

I now see that quitting my job, moving to Miami and becoming a streetwise cuban drug lord is my destiny.

Oh. My. GOD.

I think my brain just imploded.

My new job is going well. My computer has sadly taken a disliking to me and refuses to PDF files or log me on to the database. I think it misses it's old owner, so today I gave it a good talking to during my lunch break. Hopefully the problem should be resolved by tomorrow, or else I'll have to get I.T down to give it a good firm poking.

My brain is turning to mush. I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. I plan on sleeping and watching the rest of Rome on DVD. What a thrilling life I do lead.

First day at my new job today.

• Everyone was super cool.
  
• My computer is a shiny shiny mac.
  
• My boss bought me a lovely lunch.
  
• The receptionist said I had a nice face.
• I get a discount on holidays.

I am happy and tired.

I had the morning off today, so I decided to go shopping to look for a dress to wear to my cousin's wedding. I could not find one dress I even sort of liked. I'm about 5'3 so finding a dress which doesn't swamp me is pretty darn irritating. I don't want anything slutty of course, just something that comes above my ankles would be good. Who are these giant ladies that apparently roam the country in evening dresses? I have yet to see one, but according to dress lengths, they must be everywhere.

Looking forward to staring my new job on Monday, but looking at my schedule, I'm going to be dead by the end of next week. I work at a members sports club in the evenings a couple of times a week and they have me down for 5 shifts next week including saturday and sunday. I would moan, but I did agree to do them. I may have been a little intoxicated as I agreed to this after I'd been out to dinner with my parents. Nevermind., I could use the extra money.

In other more exciting news, I'm going to see the Pippettes on Friday night. Woo! Yay! I really hope I don't fall asleep. Have told the boy to just plonk me in a corner and cover me in coats if I do. Rock.

I'm watching 'come dine with me' for some reason. It's a show about dinner parties suprisingly enough, and who is the best at giving them. One lady whilst preparing the drinks for the eveing, just poured an entire bottle of pimms into a jug, topped it up with gin and then added a little lemonade. I think she plans on getting everyone so drunk they black out and she will have to tell them what a wonderful time they had, thus securing her victory as greatest-dinner-party-giver-ever!

Sometimes people scare me...

There is a rather large pigeon who hangs out in our garden every morning. He has the same routine every day, I know as I have been watching him. He'll fly into the garden and perch himself on the grass about a foot away from the washing line and just sit and stare at it for at least 20 minutes. I'd never figured out why he is looking at the washing line so intently, until this morning that is.

The large pigeon is in love with our washing line.

He flew in this morning as usual whilst I was eating my cereal and parked himself next to the washing line.  But then puffed himself up and moved closer very slowly until he came face to face with the pole. He sort of danced around it for a few minutes in his puffy state and then flew away. I'm just glad that he didn't try to mount it. But then, how exactly would you go about mounting a washing line? I'll have to watch tomorrow to find out. I bet all of the other pigeons laugh at him.

Can't wait to start new job on monday, I'm getting a bit twitchy.I cleaned and washed and ironed and polished everything I own and then promptly fell asleep on my bed for an hour. I hate it when that happens. You're fine one minute and then BAM! Sleep creeps up on you like a ninja.

Sneaky bastard.

Ha!

I got through to the second interview round.

Now all I have to do is pass the mystery test.
I'm going to get out my stilts and start practicing now.

Must stop impulse buying. Just received Shape: The Ultimate Body Workout Book. Forgot I'd bought it online last week when I was feeling cushiony. Just flicking through it makes me feel tired...

Just got back from job-interview-of-doom^TM .

I think it went okay, the woman who interviewed me didn't really give much away. Will have to wait until Wednesday before I find out whether or not I get into the second round. Not sure whether or not I want to get into the second round, as it involves a.....

 MYSTERY TEST!

That's right, a mystery test. I could be asked to show them how to do stuff on Quark, or to design something, which is I am sure what will happen. But the fact that it is a mystery test also means that I could be asked to display my tightrope walking skills, or wrestle a lion, or heaven forbid, roleplay.

*sigh*

I'm going to start playing the lottery.

I really like this song. The grates are so amazing it makes you want to implode. I think they think I'm a crazy stalker though. Every time I've been to see them I've been at the front unable to stop myself from doing anything but dancing like a crazy person and grinning like an idiot. They will learn to love me.

Just got back from dummy run of route to job interview. The road the office building is on smells like a lovely mixture of dog saliva and dog poop.

I think I'm going to have to marry David Mitchell....but only if the boy explodes or is eaten by angry ferrets.


In other news, I set my mood to mischievous...check out the scary little man. He's kinda freaky...

Am preparing for job-interview-of-doom^TM  tomorrow morning.

Have almost completed my preparation checklist. Have prepared interview outfit, picked up coat from dry cleaners and gone through possible interview questions. Am starting to get very very nervous, which doesn't usually happen.  I keep thinking of extra things to do like file my nails, as clearly they will not employ someone with one index finger having a slightly longer nail than the other.
Am off sick at the moment as I have the tail end of glandular fever and have been told to stay away from people until monday as I am infectious. And quite possibly a little stinky as I am on a hairwashing strike until tomorrow.

I cannot wait for tomorrow to be over. But until then, I shall watch Black Books and drink hot chocolate. Hurrah for contagious glandular fever! Which I hope to pass on to the interviewer if I am not given the job. Ha! Take that professional rejection!

I look like a yeti.

Dear Lindsey,
Just because your laptop arrived yesterday does not mean that you should spend the entire night playing with it. Especially when you have an important meeting at 8am the next morning.
Seriously. Turning up with crazy tramp hair is not the way to make a good impression with your boss.

Love, Lindsey

p.s Also stop writing notes to yourself. It's creepy.